I’m sure at some point – perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in a few days, weeks or months – the full horror of what has happened will hit me. For now, though, when I tell the nurses, doctors, my friends and family, that “I feel fine”,  I’m telling the truth. I genuinely don’t think that I’m suppressing my real emotions, proving some kind of point, or just plain bonkers, though I’m sure some people suspect me of at least one of those. But I reserve the right to do an awe-inspiring about-turn and plunge into the deepest trough of unrelenting and unbearable self-pity. What I am truly blessed by is the knowledge that all those people who continue to sustain me with their love, thoughts, and acts of incredible kindness will still be there for me when the jokes finally wear thin and the misery sets in.